I’ve found that being a virgin at 20 seems to warrant three types of general reactions:
The nurse with wide eyes in the Sidwell Sexual Health Clinic congratulating me wildly, whilst I sat awkwardly waiting for her to give me my first pack of contraceptive pills.
The immediate labelling of me as “frigid” or a “prude”, words to this day that I really fucking hate.
Slight embarrassment/awkwardness, like the way people looked at me during my first game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ in Freshers’ Week, when I was the only one that didn’t drink to ‘never have I ever had sex.’ Continue reading Being Ready: Confessions of a 20-year-old Virgin
TW:// sexual violence and trauma
Some days go by and you don’t think about it at all. It doesn’t cross your mind, and no one would know any wiser. Then, while you’re doing mundane tasks, it hits you. You put on the same shoes you wore the night it happened. You eat the same breakfast you had the morning after it happened. You walk down the street and think that you saw someone that looked just like them – but no. It’s just your mind playing that cruel trick again, reminding you of that night when you were sexually assaulted. Continue reading Getting My Buzz Back: Vibrators & Recovery from Sexual Trauma
‘Fight the New Drug’ is an organisation that exists to raise awareness of the harmful effects of porn, supported by science, facts and personal accounts. The website contains short videos explaining how porn affects the brain, relationships and society, as well as promoting t-shirts that read ‘porn kills love’ and articles titled ‘10 reasons why you should (not) be cool with your partner watching porn’. Although members of the group say that they do not seek to ban pornography but rather ‘influence young people to make an informed decision’, the message of the site is clear – porn must be avoided at all costs. But the internet is not going away and neither is the availability of porn. So, is ‘fighting’ this ‘new drug’ really the answer? Continue reading Porn: Should We ‘Fight The New Drug’?
I’m fully aware how weird my sex dreams are. I know how they make me sound – like I’m into some really freaky stuff and that I will inevitably end up in a sex dungeon as part of a cult. I’d like to defend myself though – dreams in general are weird, even the clichés of teeth falling out and turning up to school naked are strange. But they all have deeper, subconscious meanings. They reveal anxieties and insecurities, when you can no longer repress your feelings and your head is free to run wild. Which is why, although I commend my REM state on its incredibly imaginative representations, it’s best to remember that sex dreams are just metaphors for what’s really going on. Here’s some of my more intriguing sex dreams with an attempt to provide an interpretation that reveals truths surrounding my sexuality and relationships. Anyway, let me get on with it and tell you about when an alien made me cum multiple times. Continue reading Pillow Talk: Discussing Sex Dreams
When I lost my virginity, I felt guilty. My first time was with my boyfriend and I’d thought about it for a while beforehand, so I felt ready. But when it actually happened, it felt wrong. I remember afterwards, we were naked and watched Clueless with a tub of ice-cream. Lying there, I felt empty. I don’t know what I’d been expecting. Some surge of feelings, some change in myself? I guess I’d at least expected to feel something, but instead I felt hollow and wrong. The worst thing was that I knew that these feelings were not my fault. Continue reading A Confession: Sex and Catholic Guilt
In my formative years I was in love with the idea of love and I attribute this to growing up watching romantic comedies. I love romantic comedies and I say that with pride. So often we are taught to regard the genre as a guilty pleasure because, ultimately, we are taught that what women like is frivolous and not to be taken with as much seriousness as movies with men in the limelight. We are trained to associate male leading, serious movies with critical acclaim and Oscar recognition, rather than rom-coms. While I do recognise that there are a lot of problems with many films in the romantic comedy genre, like how so many of the protagonists represent white, middle class, educated woman, I have also learned a great deal from them.
Continue reading Rom-Coms and The Search for Love
In a society where tinder and the hook-up culture have left behind their status of scandal, and any chivalrous gestures are vilified, it’s no surprise that romanticism could be nearing its expiration date.
We’re in university, we’re young, and having fun with anonymous partners is no sin but what about romantic love then? Have people lost desire for it entirely and prefer the thrill of a temporary fix? As a romantic this appears to me as a true tragedy. But before all hope is lost, here comes Valentine’s Day to my rescue. Now, as the stores start to fill with insignificant gifts and the most opinionated (and probably lonely) will start preparing their speeches on how Valentine’s is a “consumerist day that epitomises everything wrong with capitalism”, give me a moment to share my views. Continue reading It’s Debatable: Valentine’s Day