Your New Year’s Eve Guide

How to have a great end to a terrible year

This year has been tough, to say the least. Our politics is in disarray, overlord Trump seems one petulant strop away from destroying us all, and we have seen the loss of thousands of innocent lives in national and international tragedies. But don’t let this abysmal year limply peter out; here’s our guide to say farewell to a terrible year with an above-average New Year’s Eve – it could be our last if next year brings Nuclear Apocalypse…


Like going to Unit 1, New Year’s Eve can be a surprisingly good experience if expectations are brutally lowered. Don’t kid yourself that you and your best buds will be popping bottles of Veuve on a rooftop while Rihanna and Cara Delevingne DJ downstairs. You’re probably having horrific flashbacks to terrible past New Year’s, where Sandra got so drunk she was thrown out of Wetherspoons, Phil and Becky argued to no end, and you spent £30 for entry to a nightclub full of people from school you hate. So, let’s dampen those expectations shall we; it means your night could switch from crushingly disappointing, to surprisingly above-par.


Saying that, we’re extending that last example to this year: do not go out. Obviously, we mean as the main focal point of your socialising; a few pints in the pub with the lads? Fine. A nice girls’ meal out? Count me in. But do not so much as entertain the idea of clubbing because, unless you are a viable Made in Chelsea socialite, it will be shocking. Overpriced entry, under-poured drinks and the overhyped midnight countdown do not constitute an enjoyable evening. I find that the only people who go clubbing on New Year’s Eve are school friends who are clinging on to former social glories, or late 20’s singles who weren’t organised or bothered enough to sort anything more original. Do you have a foot in either camp? No? So why would you want to waste your time with them on New Year’s?


The merits of a well-organised house party are abundantly clear: people you like, drinks your wallet will like, and sordid behaviour that societal expectations would not like. There is an overarching sense of control; provided there is adequate planning, you and your #squad are in charge. Fancy dresses, cheese and wine you can’t afford while at Uni? No problem. A seedy undercurrent of sexual deviance and Techno? Easy. The possibilities are endless, cheaper and infinitely more enjoyable. Just maybe don’t volunteer your own house and instead wait for Casandra in Guildford or Sophia in Kensington to offer up their own abodes for utter destruction.


We like to think of you, learned Razz Magazine reader, as someone conscious of the merits of dressing well. But for the uninitiated, or those worried that their usual social scene doesn’t encourage it, dressing to the nine’s is a rare pleasure. And New Year’s Eve, no matter your chosen night out, is a chance to absolutely go for it. So slide into those Christmas garms, comb your dishevelled hair and get the glitter out. You’ll thank yourself the next day when the photos come out, as well as adhering to the common societal complex that dressing better excuses even more morally-questionable decisions.


So you’ve followed our commandments; you look sharp and you’re off to a house party freed of the self-imposed expectations of anything remotely decent. Obviously, once New Year’s Eve gets going there’s not an awful lot off-limits, but remember it’s a long night. With any luck, you want to be caught by the 2018 sun creeping through the curtains as you polish off the rest of the shocking wine that Jamie’s parents left in their cupboard when they left you all for the Bahamas. The actual manifestation of a new year beginning is fun for all of ten minutes, with the countdown to inevitable crying and kissing. But it serves a higher purpose: it’s the signal that the night is properly beginning. The government has legally allowed you tomorrow off without any repercussions and this should be utilised.

So, there you have it! Your handy guide to making New Year’s Eve not terrible. Enjoy that reckless abandon and false hopes of sticking to your resolutions.


Charlie Morgan 


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